10.5 months later...

So if you are tired of reading about my family's last year..skip this post...

A lot of people ask if it gets easier, it doesn't. We just learn how to deal with our new normal.

People ask how we are all doing... well here ya go..

I'm just going to give you an update from my perspective on everyone... this may or may not be how we are all feeling. I, being the crazy-anxious-psycho who worries about everyone and everything, feel like I have a good idea.

Mom: Still misses my dad every minute of every day. Still taking it every minute at a time. Some days she can smile, and geniunely mean it. Somedays, she wants to crawl in bed and never come out. She finds so much joy in her children, and thats what keeps her going. Weekends are always hard. Who can blame her? She lost her best friend of 30+ years. I'm very proud of my mama. I'm proud to call her my mom. She is so strong and I love her. So much.

Taylor: Still learning to adjust without my dad. Feels a lot of weight on his shoulders being the priesthood holder of the home. Every season brings something new he is now responsible for..(example: keeping the front yard looking up to par) He is loving football, playing like he has never played before. Thinks of my dad constantly throughout his games. In a sense, is playing for him. Enjoying his Senior year with a beautiful girl, who we all love. Preparing to send in his mission papers in 7 months!!

Amy: Having a fabulous school-year. Has outstanding grades, and is enjoying all of her friends and CJ, who we all love as well! Wishing desperately that my dad could still be here, but has a firm testimony of the plan of salvation. Still has some bitter moments, as she should, she lost her dad at age 16! She is beautiful, and she is a 16 year-old girl. Enough said.

Robbie: Considers my dad his own. Misses him dearly. Wears my dad's clothes to games. So glad to have married Shawna young, to have all the years he did with my dad. Thinks of my dad constantly. Still wanting to ask for his advice. Misses my dad especially at Tay's football games. Would do anything to get to talk to my dad again. Enjoying being the only boy in the home, with his wife and two BEAUTIFUL girls!

Shawna: Enjoying life day-to-day with her girls keeping her so busy! Tears are always at the surface when thinking about memories of my dad. Misses everything about my dad, EVERYTHING. Grateful to have a best friend who has been through this exact same trial. Wishes so bad her girls could still have thier grandpa, and grateful Taryn had the time she did with my dad. Loves that Taryn still talks about Grandpa. Loving everything about her girls, and could eat Tenley because she is so in love with her. Especially her toes, that look exactly like Grandpa's. (scary, but true)

Brett: So glad to have known my dad for 4 years. Misses his sense of humor. Misses him. Tries to bring humor in to everyone and everything to lighten the mood, and he does a pretty good job at it. So glad to finally have his wife back to her normal self. Constantly reminded of what my dad told him he could do for pay-back for the wood floors that he finished the week before he left us. "Just take care of my girl, that's all I ask, just take care of my girl."

Me (Lisa): Enjoying life again. Miss my dad more than words can say. Finding myself doing things daily that remind me of him. Wish desperately that my dad could see our house finished, and he could lay the cement we need for this winter. Grateful to have such an amazing dad who quietly served us all. Wants a baby so bad it hurts, but knowing my dad is with my children is such a comfort.

So this is just my perspective, but it gives you an idea. We are all living life, enjoying it once again, and learning how to adjust with my dad not being around.

Thank goodness we have the gospel!!

I love

* I love being married to my husband. He is so crazy, and makes me laugh every. single. day. He works so hard every day and doesn't complain. He talks me through things, he listens to me, he makes me feel beautiful, he loves me.

*I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

*I love being my parents' daughter. Everyday I say or do something that reminds me of one of them. I am 75% my dad, 25% my mom.

*I love falling asleep at night.

*I love "Love" emails.

*I love playing the piano. Sitting down and letting my emotions out through music is the best therapy in the world. I love feeling the spirit through music I create. I love to think of my piano teacher while I play, and see her writing all over my music. I love "making life beautiful" through music.

*I love decorating.

*I love eating chips and salsa after church with my husband, and then falling asleep and feeling so refreshed.

* I love driving to work on Friday mornings, knowing I get to come home in a few hours.

*I love when a song comes on the radio that Brett just sang in the shower, or sang while doing his homework, or while getting ready, or while working in the yard, or while anything else. He is always singing.

*I love to have a clean home, with a candle burning that smells like fall.

* I love Cafe Rio.

* I love emailing my husband while we are both working. It makes the day go by so much quicker.

*I love reading and learning more about the scriptures.

*I love taking sips of Brett's Dr. Pepper.

*I love thinking about my dad. Anything about him, I love to think about. The hard-worker he was, the way he'd lay on the floor in the living room, the "no tolerance for stupid people"(thanks for that one). I love thinking about the way he was, because now I finally know why I am the way I am.

*I love life. finally.

my heaven.

before

notice trees, roof, shutters, door, etc.

after

not the best picture, maybe I'll put up a few more later...

So I am currently in love with our new home. I didn't used to be. When we bought it, I didn't think it would ever feel like a home. It was a rental for years, and it looked like it had been a rental for years!!! It was in terrible shape. After a lot of hard work, I now have an obsession with it. It is my haven. We love our home, our yard, our neighborhood, our ward, and everything else!

Brett and I have put a lot of time and a heck-of-a-lot of $$ into this house to make it our home.

Recently, we made some HUGE changes to the front of the home.

I just asked Brett last night if I will be able to live in it in heaven because it feels like heaven to me... he just looked at me and looked away. huh.

(for more pictures on the inside, scroll down a few posts)

Life

disney cruise


I love him. He has stuck with me through all me tears, and keeps holding me tight. He still makes me laugh every single day, cause he is hilarious!! I love him.

my best friend's wedding

She is stunning.

Spending more time with S and Stefi has been just what I needed.

Life has been rough these last few months. Losing beautiful people in our lives has made day by day a challenge. My testimony has grown like I never knew it could. I am so grateful for everyone who has made an impact on my life. To: Brett's Grandma, My dad, My grandma, Sophie Rose, and my Y.W. leader Bunny, thank you for being our angels here on earth and in heaven. We love you!

More posts to come...

Some more favorites...

Plates: D.I./ garage sale..

Funny/Awkward story about the plates and a few other decorations:

One of my friend's might recognize some things from her sister'in-laws home..

we totally stalked her garage sale last summer and SCORED! Recognize these Eve?

Night stands: TJ Maxx/Home Goods..

Our bedroom...

The basement...

Basement family room: not finished quite yet, carpet remnant $30

Table: The awesome garage sale

Plates and stands on the table: Deseret Industries

Milk jar: D.I.

Wreaths: Sis-in-law hand-me-down

My birthday gifts from my in-laws!

Plate, stand, top: D.I.

Favorite Polka-dot chair: TJ Maxx/ Home goods

BEST DEAL YET...

Fireplace cover: D.I. $5.00

Some favorites...

Here are some of my favorite things in my new home...

the cabinet: the D.I.

The piano: a gift from my man.

The much needed quote: my SISTER



The curtains: My BFF Andrea

The beautiful chest of drawers: My parents

Bowls on my cabinets: All wedding gifts!

More to come....

Why I haven't posted...

Reasons:

New house with new walls, new floors, new doors, new everything. It's a lot of work.

Living with mi madre during the construction,

and mostly because of this....


http://notaletellsall.blogspot.com/2010/02/griefs-journey.html

She says it perfectly. Exactly how I feel. The whole keep to myself, pretend everything is ok, try to put a smile on... all of it is how I feel. It's ok to not be ok. I am not ok.